Tonight has been hard.
Brian is out of town and the girls have been a mess. I am on my last nerve and have had a "not so mother of the year" night. I know that all mothers go through this but tonight seems harder. It is not all roses, right?!?!? I tip my hat to single mothers who have no one to "relieve" them.....they are incredible. I have been thinking....is there something that I need to do better to prevent nights like these.....
My answer came while putting Maddie to bed. This was her prayer:
Dear God,
Thank you for everything. Let us have a very good, good, good, day. Thank you for helping us watch a movie. (I ordered one on pay-per-view that she loved. :-)) And I know that you are always here. I love you. Amen.
The part that hit home in a very innocent way were her words...."And I know that you are always HERE." The night that I had tonight was all me. I did not rely on God for help but instead did it all on my own. I know in my heart that God is always here but did not acknowledge it. If I had, I might have handled these struggles better.
I had a hard night but tomorrow will be better. My answer came in Maddie's innocent prayer.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Cue the Tears
Brian, being the thoughtful dad that he is, got the girls a new movie. It is about a girl and her horse, a sweet Disney movie. You may be thinking what I am thinking...uh-oh a Disney movie. It seems that all Disney movies are tear jerkers. Why IS that?!?!? We put the movie in and went on to do chores around the house before putting the girls to bed. As the evening continues and Ally has already been put to bed, I see a little blond flash out of the corner of my eye. I look and she is gone but I hear.....sniffling. Is she crying? I go into the room and find Maddie SOBBING in front of her movie. The tears were just streaming down her face. Her heart was breaking over this horse. "Baby, what is wrong?" I asked. "This movie makes me sad." she cries to me. Cue the tears. My eyes start watering. I should have known....that darn Disney movie. Brian and I rewound the movie to the "sad part" where the poor horse gets hurt.We watched it with her and consoled her explaining that it is just a movie and sometimes sad things happen. Well, the movie got better and the horse "pulled through." :-)Maddie was no longer upset.
The lesson I learned from this, other than never leave her alone with a Disney movie :-), is how much I want to protect her from ever having her heart broken. Seeing her sobbing made me want to "hide" her from the world; keep her in a safe place at least till she is thirty. Obviously, that is not realistic but my overprotectiveness is kicking in. I remember calling my mother "overprotective" in a bad way. As a teenager..."Geez, my mom is SO overprotective!" Now I KNOW in my heart how right she was to be just that. (Music to mother's ears, I am sure.)I won't mind being called an over protective mom, at all. Bring it on!
Oh, and don't worry if you do not see Maddie for the next twenty-five years......
The lesson I learned from this, other than never leave her alone with a Disney movie :-), is how much I want to protect her from ever having her heart broken. Seeing her sobbing made me want to "hide" her from the world; keep her in a safe place at least till she is thirty. Obviously, that is not realistic but my overprotectiveness is kicking in. I remember calling my mother "overprotective" in a bad way. As a teenager..."Geez, my mom is SO overprotective!" Now I KNOW in my heart how right she was to be just that. (Music to mother's ears, I am sure.)I won't mind being called an over protective mom, at all. Bring it on!
Oh, and don't worry if you do not see Maddie for the next twenty-five years......
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
My heart will never be the same.....
Something happened to me the other day that I hope every mother will experience......
Ally and I had just come back from a walk, some bonding time together while Maddie and Daddy were away, and she wanted to ride Maddie's bike. As you can imagine...Maddie's bike is way too big for her. She sat on it and then it was time to go inside. Well, Ally didn't want to go in! In my rush to get things moving, I scooped her up and in we went. Ally's eyes turned red and the tears welled and then the "pterodactyl" came out. ("Pterodactyl" is the nick name for Ally's incredible ability to make a noise that is similar to that of an enraged dinosaur!)"Me do it!!!!" she screamed at the TOP of her lungs. Then the drama unfolded. She layed flat on the ground and there was no reasoning with her. (Did I mention that she is two????) I was at my limit with her tantrums. (This seems to be her thing lately.....did I mention that she is two!) I walked out of the room and left her in her in her misery. I sat on the sofa and waited.....and waited. It was not long until the screaming stopped and the crying was no longer. Instead I could hear her little feet coming towards me.............Our eyes connected and we stared for a while, waiting each other out......she was the first to speak.... "Mommy, are you upset with me?" she asked. My heart swelled. "I'm sorry." She says. She KNOWS what she has done! She had crossed the line and she KNOWS!
As much as I dislike her tantrums, I love her spirit. She is an amazing little girl that is so in tune with the world around her. It is hard to remember how fast they grow and learn. She is not my baby anymore. Of course, we made up and had our little talk about how we act and no crying and no tantrums, ect. ect. But the best part of the evening was knowing that she wanted to make up on her OWN. I will ALWAYS remember this incredible moment and I pray that every mother will experience something similar. My heart will never be the same.....
Ally and I had just come back from a walk, some bonding time together while Maddie and Daddy were away, and she wanted to ride Maddie's bike. As you can imagine...Maddie's bike is way too big for her. She sat on it and then it was time to go inside. Well, Ally didn't want to go in! In my rush to get things moving, I scooped her up and in we went. Ally's eyes turned red and the tears welled and then the "pterodactyl" came out. ("Pterodactyl" is the nick name for Ally's incredible ability to make a noise that is similar to that of an enraged dinosaur!)"Me do it!!!!" she screamed at the TOP of her lungs. Then the drama unfolded. She layed flat on the ground and there was no reasoning with her. (Did I mention that she is two????) I was at my limit with her tantrums. (This seems to be her thing lately.....did I mention that she is two!) I walked out of the room and left her in her in her misery. I sat on the sofa and waited.....and waited. It was not long until the screaming stopped and the crying was no longer. Instead I could hear her little feet coming towards me.............Our eyes connected and we stared for a while, waiting each other out......she was the first to speak.... "Mommy, are you upset with me?" she asked. My heart swelled. "I'm sorry." She says. She KNOWS what she has done! She had crossed the line and she KNOWS!
As much as I dislike her tantrums, I love her spirit. She is an amazing little girl that is so in tune with the world around her. It is hard to remember how fast they grow and learn. She is not my baby anymore. Of course, we made up and had our little talk about how we act and no crying and no tantrums, ect. ect. But the best part of the evening was knowing that she wanted to make up on her OWN. I will ALWAYS remember this incredible moment and I pray that every mother will experience something similar. My heart will never be the same.....
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